Mental Health is the One True Wealth

A Princess and her Journey to Health

Month: November, 2014

With great Love comes great Happiness

The strangest thing has happened in the past two weeks. Like for me, it is a mind blowing occurrence. I’m in love with myself. I’ve been working on myself, getting to know myself again. I feel like I’m in a healthy relationship with myself. I feel almost as if I’m dating myself.

I just realised how obnoxious that probably sounds. Maybe even arrogant. But it isn’t. The thing that nobody tells you is that you’re allowed to love yourself. It’s perfectly okay. After such a long period of self hate, I think it’s time I started to see all the brilliant stuff I have inside me.

It’s been a strange couple of weeks. The old me didn’t know how to love myself. I didn’t know how to be alone, I blamed everything bad that happened on myself. But now, not so much. For the first time in my life, I feel untouchable. I feel as though there is just all this beautiful, radiant energy inside of me. I feel as though I can actually do this. Not just exist. I can live. That is the most rewarding feeling.

My social interaction skills are improving dramatically, I’m getting fitter and I’m getting healthier. I don’t suffer from fatigue, starvation, dizzy spells or extreme headaches. I’m alive. I feel good. A year ago, I’d have never thought that possible.

I’m two weeks away from my 19th birthday. That makes me so happy. I wasn’t ever sure I’d make it here. But I did. Despite everything, I made it. I’m gonna go to college, have a career, a family and live for a very long time. I believe that. Also, I look forward to it. I feel indestructible.

As hard as this journey has been, it’s taught me a lot. The main thing being, do not underestimate yourself. I took a gap year from college because I really didn’t believe I’d be strong enough for it and honestly, I feel like I let myself down. I let that lack of faith hold me back. I am so ready to go but I didn’t. I let myself be held back. But that’s okay. Next year I will definitely be ready to leave home and I will be strong.

I’m almost 19 years old and I finally feel strong. I feel like an adult. I feel independent and I feel wise. I feel like if I haven’t been crushed yet, I won’t ever be. I feel happy.

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Improving for Myself

So I haven’t posted here in a while but I’ve been busy focusing on myself, bettering myself. In the past two weeks I’ve left my Instagram recovery account and that was a big step because I think somewhere along the way I became reliant on it. I thought it was helping but in reality it was keeping me tied to my eating disorder. In the wise words of the love of my life:

Ed doesn’t need a stage.

That’s what instagram had become. A platform full of food, leading my obsession and pulling me back into a world where my whole life was revolving around food. Food is fuel. It’s something we all need but it does not play the lead role in our lives. We are cast as the lead role in our own lives, we’re not extras and we are in control, not food, not calories, certainly not an eating disorder. Food is just the thing that keeps us going. It is not a defining factor of who we are as people.

It’s only food.
I was told to repeat this 3 times after a certain meltdown because my brother ate my prawns. Yes, I had a meltdown over prawns. It hit me then how ridiculous this whole thing was. I will eat food and it will sustain me but it will not define who I am, not ever.

The past few weeks I’ve been working on me. Just being Sorcha, eating disorder free and getting my life back on track. About a month ago I made a list of things that I wanted to change in my life and I stuck it to my bedroom wall. I wanted to be more independent, I wanted to find something I love doing, I wanted to be okay on my own.

I started working out, following a workout calendar made by Cassey Ho. If you haven’t already, check out blogilates on YouTube. It’s amazing and Cassey is so positive and just makes you smile while doing some kick-ass workouts. I’ve been following the workouts for just over a week now and the change I’ve felt already is incredible. I don’t feel so tired all the time, I’m less emotionally dependent, I feel happier with my body and I also feel like each time I finish, I’ve achieved something.

I’m on an 8 week challenge to work on me. Make myself happier and get the body I want in a healthy, safe way. Not only have I improved physically, emotionally I’m a lot better too. No more comparing myself to other people. This is my journey. It’s all about me, being the best version of myself. I’ve also decided on what course I’m taking in college next year and as a whole, I really just feel like I’m getting myself back together. And that is an incredible feeling.

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