The strangest thing has happened in the past two weeks. Like for me, it is a mind blowing occurrence. I’m in love with myself. I’ve been working on myself, getting to know myself again. I feel like I’m in a healthy relationship with myself. I feel almost as if I’m dating myself.
I just realised how obnoxious that probably sounds. Maybe even arrogant. But it isn’t. The thing that nobody tells you is that you’re allowed to love yourself. It’s perfectly okay. After such a long period of self hate, I think it’s time I started to see all the brilliant stuff I have inside me.
It’s been a strange couple of weeks. The old me didn’t know how to love myself. I didn’t know how to be alone, I blamed everything bad that happened on myself. But now, not so much. For the first time in my life, I feel untouchable. I feel as though there is just all this beautiful, radiant energy inside of me. I feel as though I can actually do this. Not just exist. I can live. That is the most rewarding feeling.
My social interaction skills are improving dramatically, I’m getting fitter and I’m getting healthier. I don’t suffer from fatigue, starvation, dizzy spells or extreme headaches. I’m alive. I feel good. A year ago, I’d have never thought that possible.
I’m two weeks away from my 19th birthday. That makes me so happy. I wasn’t ever sure I’d make it here. But I did. Despite everything, I made it. I’m gonna go to college, have a career, a family and live for a very long time. I believe that. Also, I look forward to it. I feel indestructible.
As hard as this journey has been, it’s taught me a lot. The main thing being, do not underestimate yourself. I took a gap year from college because I really didn’t believe I’d be strong enough for it and honestly, I feel like I let myself down. I let that lack of faith hold me back. I am so ready to go but I didn’t. I let myself be held back. But that’s okay. Next year I will definitely be ready to leave home and I will be strong.
I’m almost 19 years old and I finally feel strong. I feel like an adult. I feel independent and I feel wise. I feel like if I haven’t been crushed yet, I won’t ever be. I feel happy.