Mental Health is the One True Wealth

A Princess and her Journey to Health

Month: April, 2015

The Struggle with Numbers

My fitness journey so far is going well, despite a few bumps in the road. Last week I got a bit down in myself because I got caught up in numbers like inches and kilograms (not a good idea for someone who’s battled and eating disorder). Thankfully, my attitude towards food completely turned around and I’m probably eating now more than ever, while being at my best physically and mentally. The measurements of weight and mass don’t matter much, I’ve decided. I can clearly see I’m making changes and my hard work is paying off, just a little slower than I would like.

This is my first attempt at getting fit and healthy properly. I’m putting in the work for results whereas before I would have been prone to go for quick fixes. The thing with these things, diets, skinny teas and body wraps, is that they’re temporary solutions. Nothing is going to change your body like a healthy diet and exercise. It actually annoys me to see how many celebrities they have endorsing these skinny teas that supposedly help you lose weight. I’ve seen both men and women such as Ashley Benson from Pretty Little Liars and Gossip Girl’s Ed Westwick advertising this product on Instagram. It upsets me that their teenage followers are seeing this product and buying in in the hopes of losing weight. All you’ll lose by using these teas is water weight and trust me, that won’t be long coming back, so do yourself a favour and save your money. Get out and go for a run instead!

Honestly, some days I hate working out. I have to drag myself to get it done and I don’t always give 100%, but I’m proud of myself that I haven’t given up yet. I’m on week 4 of the Blogilates April calendar and I’ve recently restarted the 30 Day Squat Challenge. I’m still considering starting Kayla’s Bikini Body Guide next month, just to see what it’s like. It’s much harder to fit in working out this weekend with work but I’m somehow managing. I have a feeling I’m gonna burn out tomorrow though! 

This coming week my goals are to focus on eating good, nutritious food, giving my workouts my all and hopefully, seeing my little ab line get longer. Wish me luck! 

 

Breaking my RecordĀ 

I’ve been continuously following the Blogilates April calendar for the past two and a half weeks now and I already see huge progress in myself. I’m losing inches, getting more toned and my butt is definitely looking better. That’s just the physical aspects of it. Working out has helped improve my mood, my body image and really, I’ve just been happy and determined the last while. I feel good in myself.

I’m one of those people who scrolls through pictures of really fit, healthy, beautiful girls and I want to be like them, but up until recently I wasn’t taking any steps to improve myself. It’s honestly been hard work and I’ve had to push myself because I can be quite lazy, but these small changes I’m seeing in my body are what’s keeping me determined. For once, I’m not gonna give up on this. I want a big butt and a little waist and I want toned arms, so I’m going to work for it. I didn’t mention smaller thighs because mine are kinda chunky and I believe thick thighs save lives.

The one thing I’m struggling with right now is eating though. The last three days, I’ve been constantly hungry and I’ve been eating so much food. This would have scared me before but now I know what my body needs and if I’m hungry, I am definitely eating. I’m just not exactly sure of what kinds of food will keep me fuller for longer. If you have any suggestions please leave them below, it would really help! 

I tried avocado last week and it just wasn’t for me. The taste, the smell, the texture. Everything about it made me feel ill. I don’t know how anyone eats it! The only way I’m eating it is if it’s guacamole.  Mmm guacamole. I love guacamole. I haven’t been eating clean and I doubt I ever will. It’s just not for me. I can go without chocolate, soft drinks and crisps but sometimes, I just need food that’s really bad for me. Like Chinese food. But that’s just me. If you can eat clean, good for you! 

I’m excited to see where I’ll be this time next month. I feel like my fitness journey is finally in full swing and I love these changes! 

 

The Joys of Eating

for the first time in maybe three years, I am actually looking forward to Easter. This year so far, I already have two chocolate eggs. Two. Last year, I only managed to have one little kids egg because of course I was terrified of the calories. I was scared to eat an Easter egg in case it made me fat. I know that one Easter egg won’t make me fat. I don’t even think two will. I’m just excited and happy to have that anxiety related to food gone from my life. I feel free. Having an eating disorder, I feel like I missed out on so much. In my family and even with my friends, a lot of celebrations and events are centred around food and not feeling able to take part makes you so isolated. It made me angry at myself and the people around me when there was food I felt I couldn’t eat. That’s gone and I’m happier, more relaxed.

It got to a point where I was scared to visit my family and friends because I might have to eat at their homes which meant I wouldn’t have control over the types of food I was eating. At home I eat much healthier than if I go out. I’d like to say that that fear is gone but it isn’t, not completely. I get scared spending a day outside of my house could lead to a day long binge. And if my best friend is reading this, this is my explanation for bringing over random food to your house for lunch. I can’t help it, my brain still tortures me sometimes. I want to be a normal person that can eat just anything but it just isn’t how I work anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I want to eat the same as you but it isn’t possible for me. I love chocolate and I love cake, ice cream, biscuits, take away food, but I just can’t eat them as much as I want and that’s because I know my body. I know how my body stores fat and I know my metabolism is as slow as a snail. So that’s just not the life for me. When people say that all girls want is the perfect guy, that is so wrong. I basically want to eat everything and not gain weight. That would be so great.

I’ve come a long way with my recovery even since the summer. The past few months in particular have shaped me into a better version of myself and I can’t explain why. I just feel like even when I thought I was completely okay and I had myself together, I’ve progressed even from that stage. My outlook has changed on a lot. I don’t see myself as a body anymore. I don’t compare myself to other people. I’m happy enough just making my own goals and pushing myself to be my best. And that’s okay. That’s all I need. I hope that I can stick to how things are right now because everything is going fine. I don’t spend as much time with my bestie as I’d like but that can be fixed. There is room for improvement in one or two aspects of my life but right now, I’m content.