Mental Health is the One True Wealth

A Princess and her Journey to Health

Category: Role model, self acceptance, self love, body positivity, Barbie Ferreira, Diana Vera’s

Why can’t I recover?

theres very little that upsets me more than eating disorders. More specifically, people who have spent years as slaves to their eating disorder. So how do you recover? What separates the strong from the weak? The people who stay stuck to the people who recover? In my opinion, it’s self belief. It’s wanting to be healthy bad enough. It’s a change in mind set and it’s finding a strength within yourself. Having an eating disorder is easy. Now hold on a second. I don’t mean like that. It breaks your body down and it’s psychologically torturous but I mean in a competition between recovery and staying disordered, the latter is the easiest option.

Recovery is tough work. It demands 100% commitment. You either succeed or you literally die trying. You can’t wean yourself off of eating disorders. You can’t just be like, okay so today I’ll only purge 5 times. Nope. You just have to stop. It is terrifying. It is difficult. It is an internal struggle. But you just have to bite the bullet and do it. There is no easy road when it comes to recovery. You can be weak and simply accept that this is your lot in life. Be complacent in it, but darling, you’re not gonna get anywhere fast. You’ve got to fight it. You’ve got to kick ass and be strong and find that self that your eating disorder repressed. You’ve got to be in charge.

You will cry. It will be horrific. At times, you are going to want to give up. Along the way, you probably will feel disgusted with yourself. You’ll be horrified to see how your body starts filling out. But it’s just your soul having more space to shine from. You’ll grow into yourself and it won’t be ugly. It will be so beautiful. You’ll be beautiful. The most beautiful thing you can be is healthy. You deserve it. You deserve a life that is not confined to calories and numbers and food. You deserve to feel powerful and sexy and goddess-like. Recovery allows you to grow into yourself. You should own the space you fill, not feel ashamed of it. Confidence is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Confidence is what I wish on all of you throughout your whole life. Self-love is really beautiful too. Treat yourself as well as Leslie treats Ann. 

  

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Gluten Free isn’t for Me

In my last post I talked about how I’d decided to go gluten-free and see how that might help my stomach. Well, it did help for maybe two weeks. It could be from the lack of gluten in my diet, or it simply could have been from the lack of food I was eating. It was beyond difficult to cut gluten out completely! I like to eat. Correction, I love to eat. It’s only of my only talents, if we’re being honest. The whole gluten free thing was great for maybe five days, until the hunger kicked in. In between meals, starvation kicked in and chaos entered my life. This girl isn’t so great when she’s hungry. You could perhaps compare me when I’m hungry to what happens gremlins when you feed them, except in my case it’s when you don’t feed me.  

 

Cute and chill when I’m fed,

 
Gonna eat everything ya got in this house when I’m hungry. 

So what I’m trying to say is, I’m not about that hungry life. I struggled through my eating disorder. I’ve done my time with hunger and I’m never going back there. I do not miss the hunger pains, dizzy spells or the tiredness. Oh, and there’s also the joys of being forever freezing. My stomach wouldn’t even be so messed up if not for my eating disorder. I’m still angry at myself for the damage I’ve caused to my body. I’m still not over that quite yet. I just have to remind myself that it wasn’t a lapse in judgement and it wasn’t a choice to begin with. It’s something that happened and now it’s over and I am strong and I will be fine. I can’t fully comprehend how it happened though. How it went on for so long, how I felt trapped, how I was scared of food. Once you’re on the other side of it, I suppose that’s only when you can see how truly ridiculous it is. Life is beautiful, being alive is beautiful, freedom to eat and do what you like is beautiful. There is enough in life to hold you back, don’t not let yourself add to that. 

Food makes me happy. I’m not buying into everything that tells me that to be happy I have to be skinny. Why are people still trying to sell that? Why do we believe them? It’s only when I take a step back that I can look at this, what society is telling young girls, what the media is forcing on us, and say that it’s bullshit. I’m calling them on their bullshit. I can be beautiful at any size, any race, any way. It’s not for somebody else to decide. Some of my favourite people are strong women who raise up other women. Who stand up for girls of every body shape. For months I’ve been following Diana and Barbara on IG. If you don’t know who they are, check them out @mynamesdiana and @barbienox. These girls are killing it. They’re owning their bodies and changing the whole game. Because they’re showing that size 0 isn’t a necessity to be beautiful. Not only are they stunning, they’re educating. Teaching that it’s okay to love yourself, no matter what. Honestly, just go follow that. I’ve learned so much self acceptance and self love through them. I wish self love on everyone. Go do you, boo.